Updated Cow Analogy

I just received the following by email:

After the recent teetering-on-the-edge-of-total-economic-and-financial-meltdown couple of weeks it seems economic systems and their workings have pushed their way into the need-to-know-category. Well, we can now simplify this all by explaining 9 economic models with cows.

Socialism

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

Communism

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

Traditional Capitalism

You have 2 cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation

You have 2 cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

2008 Venture Capitalism

You have 2 cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

In The Beginning

I received this story by email from a friend and it made me laugh out loud so I thought I had to share it. Enjoy!

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said: You want hot fudge with that? And Man said: Yes! And Woman said: I'll have one too with chocolate chips. And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said: Try my fresh green salad. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato: naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said You want fries with that? and Man replied: Yes, and super size 'em. And Satan said: It is good. And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then... Satan chuckled and created the NHS.

For those who don't live in the UK, the NHS is the National Health Service and the subject of many a joke and disaster stories.

The Chicken and the Donkey: a story with a Moral

I just got this in an email from a friend and thought I should share:

On the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a Bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey hee hawed for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 silver BMW.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the beautiful motor car and the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend&'s life.

Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!

Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, would you believe, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!

The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story: When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pull a chick.

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